MY EFFORTS AT DREAM MEMORIZATION IV

 06.20.21 

VARA. I SAID HELLO TO THIS MAN IN MY HOUSE, HE HAD ONE FINGER WITH A BLACK FINGERNAIL, WHICH I SHOOK. THERE WERE CELEBRATIONS, I SAID THAT IN AUTHORITARIAN STATES THERE WOULD BE NO SUCH SWEETS.NOTHING WANTED TO LISTEN TO ME. I FOUND MYSELF OUTSIDE A BIG STADIUM IN THE WINTERTIME, FISHED IT OUT WITH A WHITE AND SILVER-HAIRED GIRL NAMED VARA. 

SHE WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR MY MOTHER'S DEATH, AND I WISHED IN EVERY WAY TO JOIN HER. I FOLLOWED HER AND TRIED TO TALK TO HER ALL DAY LONG. EVENTUALLY, WE WERE LATE TOGETHER FOR THE LAST BUS THAT WOULD TAKE US HOME. 

AS I WAS RUSHING TO THE LAST BUS, SOME WOMAN HANDED ME BILLS WITH THE NUMBER 10 ON THEM, I TOOK THEM AND RAN ON. I LOST ONE, I SAW WHERE IT FELL, I DID NOT GO BACK, IT FELL IN FRONT OF ME. THERE WAS SHOUTING FROM MY THROAT FOR THE BUS TO STOP AND WAIT FOR ME. AND IT STOPPED, I WENT INSIDE, HANDED OVER 10 EUROS, GOT CHANGE IN THE FORM OF SILVER COINS, AND WE MOVED ON.

IT WAS GETTING DARK, BUT IT WAS STILL LIGHT. SHE SAT ACROSS FROM ME AND WAS SILENT. SHE HAD BEEN SILENT BEFORE, ONLY SINGING ONE SONG THAT MADE ME BELIEVE THAT SHE HAD KILLED MY MOTHER. I HAD HEARD THAT SONG BEFORE. I THINK I WAS AWAKE THEN. 

AS I APPROACHED THE CITY, OR WAS ALREADY IN IT, I FOUND TWO MEN TAUNTING ME. ONE OF THEM HAD A GOLD TOOTH, THE OTHER HAD THE SAME TOOTH, BUT IN A DIFFERENT PLACE. ONE OF THEM ASKED ME WHY I DIDN'T HAVE FEMALE BREASTS BUT A WOMAN'S FACE, TO WHICH I REPLIED, I BECOME A MAN BY CHOICE.

I SAW, THEY STILL WANTED TO MAKE A JOKE ABOUT IT, STILL COULDN'T COME UP WITH ANY INTELLECTUAL ONE, LEFT THE BUS TWO MINUTES LATER. THAT GIRL GOT OFF NEAR SOME PARK, TOOK OFF HER MASK AND I SAW HER FACE. DISAPPOINTED IN HER UNBEAUTIFULNESS, SHE WAS NOT AS BEAUTIFUL AS SHE WAS THEN.

SHE WAS COLD, SOMETIMES EVEN AGGRESSIVE, SHE ALMOST NEVER ANSWERED, SHE WAVED AND TURNED AWAY. DID I LIKE IT? SHE WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR MY MOTHER'S DEATH, AND HER ABILITY TO SING ONLY CONFIRMED IT. 

DINOYA'S COOLNESS SOMETIMES EVEN AGGRESSIVENESS ©